My family’s journey through foster care has had ups and downs, but I don’t regret it. We fostered for four years in Georgia before adopting our foster daughter in March of 2020. I wish more people would be open to considering becoming foster parents because if my family can do it, anyone can. It isn’t easy, but it is worth it for you and for the children you will care for. You don’t need to have it all together or have some set of specialized skills to be a foster parent. You just need to be open...
Be open to empathy. Fostering will be painful and frustrating at times, but the pain you feel will never be worse than what a foster child has already experienced in their young lives. Being removed from their parents is trauma enough, let alone the months or years of family struggle that culminated in a stranger taking them to live in another stranger’s home. Foster parents are the open doors and open arms at the end of what is probably the worst day of the child’s life.
Be open to hope. The foster care system is designed to protect children and reunite them with their biological parents unless the child is being abused. Adoption is not the primary goal. You are providing a stable home environment while the child’s parents are, hopefully, getting life together. Every day with the child and every interaction with the parents provides a struggling family with a positive example of a stable home environment. We did not want to have any interaction with bio parents when we first applied for foster care, but the social workers changed our minds and hearts. Cutting off bad parents seems best at first, but families love each other despite all their flaws and failures. The right and highest hope is for children to be safe and families to stay together. It has been good for our now adopted daughter to continue her relationship with her bio parents. It’s been good for me too.
Be open to care. Caring happens one day at a time. Foster care training will guide you in helping identify the child’s immediate physical and medical needs. Emotional needs present themselves as the days in care add up… as does your ability and opportunity to support those needs. You are never alone. You will have access to multiple social workers. The state agency is likely very inefficient and under-resourced, but the workers will answer your call and try to help. You will also be required to attend training sessions throughout the year. Be strategic about which trainings you choose, and you will be able to connect and build relationships with other foster parents. We found that other parents were often better at navigating the system than the social workers and would share helpful tips for resources to help your foster child.
Be open to persistence. Foster parenting can try your patience. Your child may be difficult. The child’s parents may be manipulative. The system moves painfully slow, and every social worker is new to the job. Seriously, the turnover rate in foster agencies is astronomical. The good news is that your only real responsibility is the child. Were they safe, fed, and loved today? If the answer is yes, you’ve done well, and that child’s life is better for it. You do it again tomorrow. Many foster children have lived their lives with virtually no stability, assurance of food, or consistent safety. Even just two days of this is a gift. Add kind instruction, consistent medicine, structure and routine, and the gift becomes life-changing. The small persistent efforts that matter as much or more than a judge’s decision or a parent’s relapse.
Be open to God’s work. Foster care was a way to live out our beliefs for my wife and me. By answering the uncomfortable call to welcome another family’s child into our home and building a relationship with her parents, we opened the door for more of God’s good work in our lives. It stretched our capacity to extend grace and see God’s grace and love for us in a new light. I learned that love is not a zero-sum game. We are imbued with a supernatural capacity to forgive and care for each other when we open our lives to it.
The need for foster parents is immediate and relentless. The call to help is scarcely answered. Consider being open. Open your arms and open your door. If you can’t become a foster parent, please seek out ways to support foster families in your church and community.
Nearly 500,000 children in the US are in foster care each day. There are not enough foster families available to meet the need of children who are in unsafe or unstable homes. It is estimated that if 1 person in every 3rd church in America became a foster parent, every child would have a safe home.
If you are considering foster care, adoption, or just want to learn more. Check out these resources:
Statistics on Foster Care in the US